A Cry for Help from my Body

My parents were really concerned when they found out that I bit my nails down to a minimum around age 5 and caused even some local bleeding. I remember that it was painful to do that to myself and how much I tried to hide it; but somehow I ‘couldn’t help myself’.

It got worse, so my mom took me to the doctor; he assumed that there might be a lack of Calcium, prescribed a supplement and asked me to drink more fresh raw milk. However, the nail biting habit continued.

One night I woke up with a nightmare and a loud scream “I HATE DEATH!!!” My older sister came running into my room and held me as I was sobbing. I told her how much I missed my grandma who died the very same year; she had given me so much warmth, always told me the best stories and taught me how to play cards.

I just felt that her death was WRONG and extremely destructive – for her and everyone who loved her.

The next day my nail biting habit stopped.

Could it be that this self-destructive habit alerted me to the deeper destruction I felt around her death?

Our bodies are extremely intelligent – physically!